Featured

Strength (You must crawl through the darkness to find the light)

Lately the words are trappedDown below where the beasts lieIn wait and pace insideWe say, no more rhymesBut my mind is like stained glassSegmented colors and shapesRolling thunder and earthquakesGhosts that never stopped screamingIf it's quiet I'm far awayIf it's still they lie there deadJust let it go they saidBut the pain lives in themThe … Continue reading Strength (You must crawl through the darkness to find the light)

Featured

Toxic Positivity and Unsolicited Advice can be Harmful to Trauma Survivors

We've all seen them, those positive memes and quotes that pepper our newsfeeds offering hopeful messages and inspiration. But are they really helpful? For most people, they aren't. This is especially true for trauma survivors. People can mean well when they post these positive affirmations, but toxic positivity can really negatively affect people with mental … Continue reading Toxic Positivity and Unsolicited Advice can be Harmful to Trauma Survivors

Featured

What Therapists Need to Know About DID: Working With Child Parts of the Patient

It's difficult for me to listen to my kids. (My inner children, not my daughter). Most of the younger parts are in a great deal of pain. There are a few that want to play, laugh and connect with others, but most of them are suffering. Some of them cry, and it often sounds horrible. … Continue reading What Therapists Need to Know About DID: Working With Child Parts of the Patient

Featured

Betrayal

**Trigger warning: this post talks about parental abuse and pregnancy loss** I think the worst betrayal is from my mother. She allowed him to take that baby, even assisted him. How can you be a mother and do that to another mother? How could any human being do that, take someone's child away? She was … Continue reading Betrayal

Featured

Ghosts

Today I feel the pain of lost ones,Life and death, bloody remembranceBelly full and body screamingPausing my sleep with agony It's like she's still a part of me,Phantom firefly, feeling flutters,A faint dance before there was stillnessAnd red streams flowing endlessly A voice replays the words on loop,There's too much blood, a flood of life,Colour … Continue reading Ghosts

Featured

Trauma and Addiction: A Futile Attempt to Escape the Pain

It's been six months since I drank alcohol. I never really thought I had a problem with it, until it almost killed me. My alcohol abuse wasn't as obvious as some people's. In clinical terms, I never got to the dependency stage. I wasn't the obvious alcoholic who is always drinking. I didn't need medication … Continue reading Trauma and Addiction: A Futile Attempt to Escape the Pain

Featured

Putting the Pieces Together

I think some people find multiple personalities (DID) fascinating. It's really not. It's just a daily hell to be honest. My memory is full of holes, and my mind is in pieces. These pieces think and live autonomously, and they make it difficult to function. Sometimes it's simultaneously confusing and funny as hell. The other … Continue reading Putting the Pieces Together

Featured

I think about her all the time, my little firefly

**Trigger warning: post talks about pregnancy loss** This is by far the most difficult story for me to tell. This memory, this loss, affected me more than the rape and torture throughout my childhood. It's caused us to almost kill ourselves in the past. I didn't know why my suicide attempts happened in June. It's … Continue reading I think about her all the time, my little firefly

Featured

Voices and Chaos

It's a particularly bad time of year for me. This is what it's like in my mind: Lost ones, the others, quiet nowSometimes they scream and cryOr they yell at each other stop cryingIt whimpers in the darknessBaby, pathetic wretch, weakPull yourself togetherStop feeling sorry for yourselfAre you a man or a mouse?I'm neitherDo you … Continue reading Voices and Chaos

Featured

Medical appointments and hospitals are difficult for people with DID and PTSD

I'm sitting in the ER again today. I guess I'm grateful it's not for mental health reasons, but I've had serious physical health issues lately. Obviously this makes my usual anxiety much worse. I've always been afraid of the doctor's, ever since I was a kid. It was weird and unfair that my little sister … Continue reading Medical appointments and hospitals are difficult for people with DID and PTSD

Featured

We’re Not Broken

It's like banging my head against a wall and expecting it not to hurt. It's like walking on the highway and hoping I don't get hit. I don't deserve this shit. People who grow up being abused seem to end up on similar paths as adults. They either look for someone to abuse them, they … Continue reading We’re Not Broken