Another Chance

I wanted to write a post about being a mom when you’re trying to heal from trauma. There’s so much to say about it. I can intellectualize the hell out of it by talking about ending the cycle of trauma, building resiliency, modeling self care, and how exhausting it is to re-parent yourself while also giving your all to your child… But honestly I’d rather just write poems.


In every step it was deliberately done
First in loss and blood
And screaming at your torn out soul
Come back, please make me whole
But she left anyway that day
The child of a child floating on the wind
To dust and dreams, red rivers run
Dripping bloody water into a bucket
Feeding lies like time heals
No not this
Never this and so the dream lingered
Small to some, scoffed at, thrown out
Because women should be more,
But I just wanted to create like this,
Some words and this wild one,
From the database to the vial
To the red sunrise at 5 AM
Telling her to hold on, it’ll be ok
Driving down the highway
Sound waves and shadows beating
And she stayed
Despite the bleeding
This time she stayed
This time the nausea crept in and lingered like constant background noise
Swollen belly and butterfly movements
Torn muscles and permanent scars
Then naked and tied down like the old days
But this time the cutting for life not pain
She rises from me, baby bird, pink screams
In that moment she has woken me
Surrounded by white coats and beeping machines
Blood loss again
But this time for life not death
This time we’re both alive
The world shines a light
I’d never seen before
Cut open and gutted but full
Heart racing and determination
Clutching my brain that day
And now every day
Sticky fingers and smirks
Laughter echoes off the walls in my head
Her sounds so loud but welcome
Her smiles so wide and all I see
Her words lift up and inspire,
She is my dream,
Chaos and simplicity,
Giving her what wasn’t given to me
Life in every step and heartbeat
Ending a cycle and blazing a new path
Not perfect but mine
Creation of light and words and sky
It’s all right there in her eyes

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